dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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