if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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