Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the jesus of drinking
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
