i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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