:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
