In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
