She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
