1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
