using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
