when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize