Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
