Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
