I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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