last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
