ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My balls are so social today.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
