I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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