You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was confusing and full of hummus
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
