he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
