You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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