Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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