Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
