so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
