I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
