I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
