I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
