Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize