i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
