i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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