Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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