if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
