I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
