OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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