dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
