True but thats because hes a fetus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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