Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You're a waste of cheezeits
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
