please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
