apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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