Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My balls are so social today.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
