Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
