I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
