I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
