I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
