How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
