2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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