i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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