oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
