the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
