Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
