I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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