Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize