you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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