Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
