the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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