And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
