saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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