i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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