Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
