I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
