Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
