ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
