You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
