real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i've created a new STD.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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