ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
