you suck at this game today
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It all started with a game of naked twister.