so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...