Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
