Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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