my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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