Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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