You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
